If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
