They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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