Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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