WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
