Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
