; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
