I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
