I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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