I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
not ubering you a puppy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
