so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
