Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
