Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
