Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
