hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
