My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
