I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
