dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
