I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
