i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
