Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
