I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
