If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
