I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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