he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
