i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
