to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
