Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
