We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
