i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
