By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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