I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
