im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
