she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
