I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
