So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
