It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
