I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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