I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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