My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
