the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
