Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
