nut hugger
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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