..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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