whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
