Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
