At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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