batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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