when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
