I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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