i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
