Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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