Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
