I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
